How did you make it to 72?

05/05/2010 at 8:16 AM Leave a comment

First, for anyone that noticed my absence for the last month an apology. I was unexpectedly overwhelmed when one of the novels I wrote years ago was accepted for publication. Initially I thought it would late fall when it would be published (if at all) but in fact it will be coming out in late June. This has meant a tremendous amount of editing and fine tuning, making a cover and preparing for the release (all fun stuff, I assure you), and the blog suffered.

Nevertheless yesterday I saw a patient that was so funny and outrageous I had to post. Now that I am back I hope to keep it up.

This patient is a delightful, always happy 72 years old. I literally have never seen him anything but deliriously happy, and he has come to me for over a decade. This year he scored the trifecta.

During our snowstorm he was using his snowblower when it jammed and he decided to unclog it with his hand rather than the stick they provide ( after all why use a fifty cent stick when you can use something even less valuable, like your dominant hand?) Predictably the blower managed to take off the tip of his 3rd finger, but not so much as to necessitate medical care ( according to him) and certainly not enough for him to learn any kind of lesson.

Fast forward a month or so and he is on a ladder using an electric chain saw to trim a tree. (I can see you wincing––you know this is not going to end well.) He lost his balance and because he cannot close his hands fully (old problem he won’t get fixed) he let go of the chain saw which hit him across his right forearm. I saw the stutter marks and the twin saw lines, but once again ‘God looks after fools’ and he managed not to fall or get seriously injured. Nevertheless you would think that he would re-evaluate his own judgement skills about what is safe to do.

Now for the trifecta, one month later he brings out his lawn mower and it does not work, moreover he can’t get the part he needs to fix it for a day (an entire day! OMG call the networks) so he gets his back-up ridding mower (who has a back up ridding mower? Where do you store all this shit?) But that one has a loose belt and the blades are not fully engaging. ( you can kind of see where this is going, can’t you?) So he decides to try to get the belt to engage using his dominant hand while the belt is moving!  I didn’t say we had Einstein here. He said that the belt caught his finger and sent it to the wheel where it promptly sliced off the top 3/4 inch of it. He said it in a surprised tone as if there had been any other possibility.

And this is why he was there. He had been seen at the ER, bandaged up and treated with antibiotics but no judgement pills were given. His finger is healing remarkably well and his attitude is happy, not chastened, actually he seemed proud of his new found stump.

So once again, how exactly did you make it to 72?

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Entry filed under: true story. Tags: , , .

Punk’ed Still in the clouds

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